Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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