i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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