He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
