Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
