margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if i can run in heels then i can drive
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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