i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
