I wish I could punch you in the face.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
