the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
