Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
