Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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