I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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