oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
