I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
