Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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