jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
