He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
