I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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