There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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