Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
