im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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