I wanna bring you to show and tell
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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