I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
