we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
