is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
