There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i will never coherently bang her
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
