Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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