What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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