that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
