Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize