Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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