I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
