we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
