I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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