My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
