I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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