Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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