If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
