did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
