New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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