You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
