you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
