HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
