even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
