Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
