Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
