My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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