OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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