I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
