I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
its liver damage thursday
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
