this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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