The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
