Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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