i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
