Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
