I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We got so high we made milksteak
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
