dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
