May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
