Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
