my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
