it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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