I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
