Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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