So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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