I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
