i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just found puke in my bra..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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