The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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