Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
