So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
