Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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