but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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