they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
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Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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